Best Christmas Cracker Jokes – Festive Holiday Puns

Published on: October 25, 2021


Did you know that Christmas crackers used to contain romantic poems and love messages instead of jokes? It’s true! I think we can all agree that this change was for the best, as the jokes have gone on to become the best part of the Christmas cracker experience for many.

Maybe it’s the magic of the season or the delicious Christmas dinner sitting in front of you, but there’s something about those little jokes that pop out the Christmas crackers that we love, and we’re sure you do too.

So, whether you’re trying your hand at some DIY Christmas crackers this year and you’re researching festive puns to include, or you’re simply looking to have a festive-themed chuckle, here’s our top picks for the best Christmas cracker jokes of all time.

 

Festive Christmas Cracker Puns

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!

How does Good King Wencelas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even!

What did one snowman say to the other?
“Can you smell carrots?”

Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting?
They always drop their needles!

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house!

How did Santa meet Mrs Clause?
At the snowball, it was love at frost sight!

What do sheep say to each other at Christmas?
Season’s bleatings!

What do Elves learn at school?
The elf-abet!

Why couldn’t Santa afford to get more reindeer for his sleigh?
They were too dear!

What do you call a pastry that sneaks around the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!

Why was the snowman sorting through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose!

Why is the alphabet different at Christmas?
There’s no L!

Who’s in charge of the North Pole?
Santa, he always has the final sleigh!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitus!

Why was the turkey invited to join a band?
He had his own drumsticks!

Who is Santa’s favourite pop star?
Beyon-sleigh!

Which athlete is the warmest at Christmas?
The long jumper!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells!

How do Santa and Mrs Clause take their Christmas card photo?
They take an elfie!

How did Santa learn to fly his sleigh?
He was elf-taught!

What did Rudolph say after he crashed the sleigh?
Oh, deer!

What do you call a blind reindeer?
No eye-deer (no idea)!

Why do Santa and Mrs Clause make such a good couple?
They have great chemis-tree!

What’s the best Christmas present?
A broken drum – you just can’t beat it!

Why does Santa always wear the same outfit?
Because it soots him!

What does Santa eat for breakfast?
Mistle-toast!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws!

What did Mrs Clause say to Santa on Christmas Eve?
It looks like rain, dear (reindeer)!

What do mice exchange on December 25th?
Christ-mouse presents!

 

Spruce-ing up your Christmas Cards

How did we do? Were you besides your elf in laughter, or are you left pine-ing for more? If you’ve got a favourite Christmas cracker joke that we didn’t cover, send it to us on Facebook or Twitter – we’d love to hear them!

If you’re looking to get the family laughing this year, why not put some of our cracker jokes in your Christmas cards? You can even upload their photo to the cover along with your favourite pun to create a personalised card that is sure to earn pride of place on the fireplace above the stockings!